i’ve been feeling pretty good about things, but at this moment I’m suffering hard. I am so pissed off at so many things, and primarily at the incredible waste of time and money and being subject to right now.
this dumb motherfucker call me a scam then this other stupid fuckhead didn’t even show up for his appointment to look at the van twice. Fuck any fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! I’m so angry right at this second I can barely even think straight.

I can see in my head a large number of things for which I should be grateful, but instead I’m just fucking pissed. It’s a beautiful sunny day and I can’t enjoy it, well I guess that’s not entirely true, I am happy that it’s sunny.

and I’m really grateful for my business and how good things are going, but I’m really not happy about the way Kalyan treats his vehicle, or the fact that the thousands of dollars I’ve given him were all for nothing. hIs vehicle went from 2800 to 0 in a year.

I really need a retreat, I need a break from life, I need a chance to start being happy again. I need to stay off the meds for a little bit, and I need to meditate a lot, I need to get back to my vegetarian diet, and I need to exercise.

I need to

I really need a retreat, I need a break from life, I need a chance to start being happy again. I need to stay off the meds for a little bit, and I need to meditate a lot, I need to get back to my vegetarian diet, and I need to exercise.
I need to stop lamenting and complaining and brooding. I need to have love for myself and be nice to myself and treat myself with kindness. And I need to extend that in the circle out to everyone around me.