it’s 7/14/22.  Actually, life is pretty great but here are my complaints.  I don’t like wearing glasses and starting at a screen.  My throat is continually sore or irritated.  I have poison oak, things are messy here.  I keep being the one clients call with complaints which is exactly how I wanted it, but I don’t want there to be complaints.  I have everyone so busy that they aren’t available to help with projects.

one solution is to have 1 person handle all the clients with ongoing needs like calls, invoicing, payroll, form filing.

i’ve been feeling pretty good about things, but at this moment I’m suffering hard. I am so pissed off at so many things, and primarily at the incredible waste of time and money and being subject to right now.
this dumb motherfucker call me a scam then this other stupid fuckhead didn’t even show up for his appointment to look at the van twice. Fuck any fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! I’m so angry right at this second I can barely even think straight.

I can see in my head a large number of things for which I should be grateful, but instead I’m just fucking pissed. It’s a beautiful sunny day and I can’t enjoy it, well I guess that’s not entirely true, I am happy that it’s sunny.

and I’m really grateful for my business and how good things are going, but I’m really not happy about the way Kalyan treats his vehicle, or the fact that the thousands of dollars I’ve given him were all for nothing. hIs vehicle went from 2800 to 0 in a year.

I really need a retreat, I need a break from life, I need a chance to start being happy again. I need to stay off the meds for a little bit, and I need to meditate a lot, I need to get back to my vegetarian diet, and I need to exercise.

I need to

I really need a retreat, I need a break from life, I need a chance to start being happy again. I need to stay off the meds for a little bit, and I need to meditate a lot, I need to get back to my vegetarian diet, and I need to exercise.
I need to stop lamenting and complaining and brooding. I need to have love for myself and be nice to myself and treat myself with kindness. And I need to extend that in the circle out to everyone around me.

i’m sitting here meditating in my office, it’s 1030 on September 26 and I have about $5000 in savings. The new month is about to start so this is the month where I don’t have to worry about my finances. Although we’re all a little bit sick, it doesn’t seem anything worth worrying about as we will all likely get better. Trump seems to be doing a great job getting himself hated and kicked out of the presidency, and we have a great life to start right now, with two thriving businesses and a lot of happy clients. 

Kalyan has a girlfriend he loves, Rafa is in a play, my brother and my dad are going to see each other, Sergio is not one of the dreamers so it’s probably not going to get deported right away, it’s sunny, Jon is going to be OK, life is just full of things to be grateful for. and then Leeron said he had a successful date so I’m really excited about that too. I’m not suffering right now over anything real. All of my suffering is a worry about the future or lamenting about the past. I don’t know if I’m done with this blog, but if I am this is a great place to stop

i’ve got this thing on my head, and this thing on my nut sack, and these moles on my back, and what else could it be besides cancer, I really need to get myself to the doctor. The thing on my head could be from John from golfing last week when I hit my head on the inside of the golf cart

I wouldn’t say everything is hunky-dory or perfect, but I will say that I have finally reached a point where there’s enough money coming in and pay all of my bills every month and then some. As far as I can tell, it’s going to continue and increase.

And with I wouldn’t say everything is hunky-dory or perfect, but I will say that I have finally reached a point where there’s enough money coming in and pay all of my bills every month and then some. As far as I can tell, it’s going to continue and increase.
And with the end of those problems, I feel certain new ones will arise. not better, hopefully no worse, but definitely different. i’m much happier having money then when I didn’t, there’s a level of peace and clarity and hope that I knew would be here and it is. 

I really acknowledge myself, it was not an easy road, I worked hard to put in my time and it is paying off. yesterday was auric’s birthday. Faye has set me free, and kind of a shitty way, but free nonetheless.

people who call me and then don’t answer their phone immediately when I call them back

no call on FD from Kman, dad lying around town, why i try? 

keep pointing, uh huh

it’s been an extremely long road and since I haven’t been posting in here, and must be experiencing quite a bit less suffering. Every month it seems like my moneys going up and this month it seems like I’m gonna have a really great month with a lot of profit. Very exciting.

I finally gotten over the hump where I cannot afford to live and now as long as I do my work there’s plenty of money. Now a new question arises, how much work do I want to do for how much money?

The suffering doesn’t seem to stop now. It’s been a while since I wrote in here but I’m really feeling kind of crazy and a lot of suffering seems to be going on. Rafa is now starting to catch the flu, Aureole is on the tail end of it, and I’m finally just about over it.

our money is so slow, but better than it has been in the past, and I just cannot seem to get away from this severe suffering that I experience in the form of frustration that things aren’t going exactly the way I want them to. Even as simple as trying to log into an app where I can’t remember the password makes me infuriated.

i’m working hard at reducing the amount of smoking and I can feel the anger just pouring out of me. There’s so much anger and discussed and filth in my mind and it just comes out and I’m tired, and I’m cold, and I’m tired of wearing a bunch of clothing and jackets

i’m tired of boosleeping at the neighbors house. there’s just a lot that I don’t like about life, and it’s stupid because life is so much harder before but I’m still latching on to how hard it is now. Of course like I would expect, never satisfied.

there’s this dryness that my lips and my mouth just can’t seem to get over, constantly running the furnace, constantly running the fireplace, shit always messy and needing to be cleaned, it’s never ending.

after returning from seven days of silent meditation, my car is full of water, I just fired Jaimmie, exp just fired  me, which is actually a blessing. But I still feel like there’s something wrong. What’s mostly wrong I’m just so pissed from being back in being hit with all of this bullshit to deal with. Now I see that my company can’t run without me which of course I already knew that it could. And then I got mad about it because I was resisting it