it’s been one of those roller coaster days. Meeting with a client getting a check, then driving to another job and picking up the check, then going to the bank. And I pick up my son and get an amazing email telling me that pretty soon I’m going to be rich.

it’s just another email on a string of emails that I’ve been receiving telling me this and while I’m excited it’s immediately offset by the tears in my life size.

She’s going to go see a doctor for her arthritis and it makes her sad. Makes me sad too. And it’s really hard to be excited about this opportunity I have.

because more money is exactly what I need to give my wife she needs to get treated without medication. But I don’t have that money right now. So find out that it’s coming maybe in a year to this really hard today.

Send meantime she has people coming over and asked me if I could put another leaf table, which I said I would. So after changing to disgusting Boxes, and I don’t mean discussing just because there Boxes but these two really needed to be changed, I spend a few minutes at the computer and then I’m ready to get the leave for the table. I grabbed the leaf and came out yet too late, she’s already done it without me.

So then I immediately start suffering. the suffering experience I have is common. It’s like me failing to be a good husband. It’s really in my face, how I’m not able to provide for my family right now.

And this almost sent me spinning down like it does sometimes, but it didn’t because I had this blog that I can post too. It’s so nice to just have a place to spew these thoughts and let them go. And since this is anonymous nobody knows who I am, so nobody can judge me for what I say here.

Sure I suffer. I suffered a bunch just now. But I also just got an email saying i’m going to be rich.