there’s this meeting I’m going to, and I’m the first one to arrive. This isn’t uncommon for me, I’m one of those people who is on time. This is mostly because my dad was always late, by a lot, not just a couple minutes.

So I show up early, and then I’m there twiddling my thumbs for a half hour waiting for the rest of the game show. The tricky thing is it’s a meeting where I don’t know anybody, one of those networking things. So there’s really not a lot for me to do, other than stand around looking like a jerk off. That’s the suffering begins.

I start thinking that it’s embarrassing, or at least a little awkward, but I’m standing there with the guy who is hosting the thing while he’s still getting it set up. And then all these people are going to start showing up who know each other and start patting each other on the back and shaking hands and I’m goung to have to walk around and make an effort to connect with people I don’t know.

I really fucking hate this part. I just want to meet the people who are the exact fit I’m looking for, without having to cycle through all these jerk offs who aren’t anywhere near like a level that I’m looking for. But really when it comes to building a business like I’m doing, the only thing I can do is try and meet up with people who get enrolled in my vision, because I don’t have the money to pay any of them.

if I had some money that I can just run an ad on craigslist and start interviewing people, and I would find some good people. But this is a bunch of people who are like me looking for other people who hopefully will be able to make something. Maybe some of them have a good idea too.

I feel confident saying though, here tonight are going to be at the same level. Because I’m doing some humongous things, with some humongous people.

so I suffer immediately, because I just feel like this little part I’m going through right now is so painful, trying to meet people to do business with.
and I guess the real suffering comes from a few things but one of them is a lack of confidence, that I actually know what I’m doing. Like I don’t have a specific purpose for being here, I’m just kind of here to see what’s here. And that’s not really the right way to do it in my mind, I should already know why I’m here.

So in part it feels like a waste of time, in part it feels like a waste of energy, and I’m kind of tired, and I want to go home, and I just want to be fucking rich already.

So now that I’ve got all that off my chest, it’s time to turn it around. I know there’s only like three people in there, so I could go stand around and talk to them, but I think I want to wait a few more people show.
Joanne I’m in a be my best self, and I’m to learn what there is to learn that being here now that I’ve put myself in that situation. So I guess that’s really the lesson, is that I take these actions to put myself in this position, and then I start wondering why did that. And maybe it’ll be worth it and maybe it won’t, nobody knows right now. But what I do know is it sounded like a good idea to the brain that I was using when I made plans to come here.