it’s definitely something I’m familiar with, this been down that follows having no money, I need money for things. Normally I can handle it, then other times I can’t. This is one of those times where I let my guard down my pain came out.

i’ve been waiting on this check to come, and despite trying to be rational and remembering that it may not come, I somehow missed that I was believing it was. So then I started living my financial life as if the money was on its way, and really it could be another week, month, four year.

I have some other checks coming, and one of them will probably be here tomorrow, but I need the money today. Oils got a little bit of money, which is great, but I guess the part of me believes that she doesn’t actually have the money. So then I don’t feel okay when she says she has money. But that’s kind of crazy, because I think she does.

so you have probably several hundred dollars with a bill that have to be paid on Monday, and I don’t have a check to pay away. I don’t have the money in my account handle it. But that’s not the only thing bothering me, I’m also bothered about having to learn this new framework that I don’t understand, and my employees that are doing I want them to do, I’m just getting over the after effects of playing a long round of golf.

really, there’s nothing wrong. I have gas and a car and insurance, I paid my phone bill which was the most pressing, I have money on the way and the ability to earn money more, rock is going to summer camp, the fair start soon, and overall lots of people are willing to help.

So I really have nothing to complain about except this fear, anxiety,
and worry that comes with this stage of not having any money in the bank. But I cleaned out my coin jar and I have about $40 Innpoints. And I don’t really need much money between now and tomorrow. However, if tomorrow the monies not my mailbox or in my account, then I got to figure something out. Thankfully my friend said he could lend me some money, but I hope it doesn’t come today.

It’s nice though, even just dialoguing about this makes me start to feel little bit better. As soon as I realize that I even believe my wife had the money she said she had, I started feeling a little bit better. It’s strange house these tiny little things can turn into a big thing that we don’t even see you there.