I just been really pissed off lately. I am not sure exactly what it is, but it feels to me like it’s fear about money. I haven’t been working enough, not going enough, and I’m feeling the effects

there’s this underlying fear that we’re going to run out of money and I’ll be able to pay our bills. Even though I know that’s not true. But I’m looking at paying the mortgage and our utilities, and what it would cost to pay Bright water if they say we can put Rafa back, and there’s just not enough money.

my fear really is completely irrational because here I am at the precipice of what I believe is going to be a very profitable year. And rather than being present to that right now, I’m pissed off about what it’s not.

I meditated, not for very long but for a little while, but that didn’t seem to entirely help. Because right now I’m just feeling time pressure, money pressure, and overall meeting more clients.

at the same time I have new clients coming on board right now. I just don’t know exactly how many. But I got a lead from Leeron, I have basil, and I have whatever lead time to get from bernston porter. Not to mention the CFO people I was talking to last week. So I think I’m actually going to be very busy very soon. And this little hick up in money is only going to be temporary. Just this two weeks, and then will be fine again.

so I just need to remember to breathe, relax, I’m doing everything right and people believe in me.

and I guess here’s the crazy thing. While I’m sitting you’re panicking about how I don’t have enough money, and I’m not working hard enough, I’m on my way driving to Everett and being paid to do the work that I need to do for my client. So that is a little bit ridiculous. And I have plenty of work right now, I’m just not doing it. There’s so much work to do for CK oh I should be doing that and I’m not. So that’s not complaining that I don’t have enough work at complaining I’m not doing the work which is retarded