there are so many things wrong right now I don’t even really know where to start. My software is not ready. The people who I thought my software would help are going to find it too confusing and they’re not going to use it. It’s not going to get the users that I want the way it is.

I am so broke, I cannot believe what happened to me that I spent all that money. I feel so fucking stupid right now.

i’m not working enough and I don’t have enough clients and it’s the worst feeling in the world not to have any business. And while I know things are going to get better because people are telling me, right this moment I don’t have enough money. I’m back to looking for a fucking job again.

Kalyan is having all kinds of health problems, his hurt ankle his back his wrists, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with him but he can’t do anything. He can’t write he can’t walk, he’s leaving work early, it’s like Aureole part two.

asshole client fired me, which is fine, but then one of my client can’t pay the other one doesn’t need me as much, and we just don’t have any fucking money now.

I meditated but it didn’t stick, and all I could do is think about how terrible I feel, and how I really need to sit here and make money right now, and I’m trying to fabricate work basely cause I don’t really know what work I’m supposed to be doing. Right now feeling just like a fucking idiot.

all this time I spent on the software, now it barely even feels like it was worth it because there’s so much more to do now.

I can’t see a way out right now. All I see is me sitting here with no money and not knowing what to do.

i’m sitting here thinking about it and it seems like what I need to do is change the software to make it a little bit easier for people to understand what it does, and I can see the changes that I need to make in that shouldn’t be that hard. Maybe it’ll take me a couple of days but it won’t be such a huge deal. But what I need to do what I want to do are completely different.

right this minute I need to be working on CKO bookkeeping. They’re the only client you can still pay me right now and I have work so it’s crazy for me not to be doing that right now I would have to be completely fucking stupid not to be doing at work right now.

so why don’t I. You know the last time I did this I wrote it all down and it worked out really well, so I’m gonna try that when I try having a dialogue with myself on paper.